I feel like I’m trapped in a bubble. Time is meaningless.
Nobody understands the way I feel. My partner doesn’t, neither do my friends and family.
It’s me alone.
In this bubble, people laughing and joking around me, getting on with life.
Me, I’m just here. Over-thinking. Screaming at the top of my lungs and nobody seems to hear me.
A cry for help.
Alcohol doesn’t help. It just numbs the feeling of hopelessness and makes me forget.
And so I drink.
Family around telling me I’m not myself. But what do they know. What will they ever know.
They never took time to understand me. Everyone has a close relative, they all have some kind of click or bestie.
Me? I stand alone.
Trapped in this bubble of swirling thoughts and problems.
Not knowing when it’s going to end or how it will end.
I want to cry. All I have left is my education and even then that got screwed over time and time again.
So many thoughts, feelings and fantasies. So many dreams. Some shattered, some remain.
I have no idea how much longer I can stay feeling trapped like this. Feeling trapped in a bubble.
So much stress.
So much stress that I can’t palm off on someone else. So much I have to deal with. Struggling so much to stay sane that I’m almost insane. Not knowing what to do.
Thinking of solutions.
Run away. Cut off everyone. Start again. But it’s not that simple.
Too much has gone on. I need to stay motivated, upbeat and happy.
Being happy is so much harder now.
All I have is myself. Just me. And now I see. I should be my top priority. I should put myself and my life first.
A smile in the mirror. A stressed, uncomfortable sad smile. But it’s something.
That smile is like a light bulb flashing over my head. I’m smiling. I’m worth it.
Somewhere along the line, I realised I’m strong enough to get through these troubled times.
Somehow, without me realising it, the bubble burst.
Makala VP Thomas.