Thunder Was Booming

Thunder was booming.

Rain was pouring.

I had no coat.

I was soaked.

But I knew where I was going.

I was going to the home of the one

Who had my heart.

They had moved on months ago,

And I was stuck in a mental cage

Surrounded by memories

Missing the happiness I felt

While with them.

Thunder was booming.

Rain was pouring.

I walked and walked

Not wanting to get the bus

My determination

Gave me strength to walk

For over an hour

In this horrible weather

All I could think was

“I’m going to get you back,

No matter what it takes.

It was me that messed up,

And I’m paying for it.

But I will get you back.”

Thunder was booming.

Rain was pouring.

Your house is finally in sight.

I run and ring the doorbell

Over five times.

I see the lights are on so I know

You are in.

You open the door and stare at me.

Water is running down my face,

But I don’t care.

The first thing I managed was

“I was an idiot. I don’t want everything

We built to crumble because of me.

I just-”

You pull me into the house

Before I could finish saying

What I had to say.

“You really are an idiot. You’re going

To get the flu or something worse!”

I hang my head, then you smile.

“You’re my idiot. I’m sorry too.

I was going to call you today,

I wanted to call every day

Since we split.

I just decided to give you space.”

Thunder was booming.

Rain was pouring.

I was warm in a woolly tracksuit

I left here months ago.

We were snuggled on your couch

With hot chocolate,

Our free hands in each others.

I smiled, so glad I made the decision

To get you back.

You will always be my everything.

And even though I was afraid

Of being rejected,

I was determined to try anyway.

Love always finds a way.

Makala Thomas.

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The Bubble

I feel like I’m trapped in a bubble. Time is meaningless.
Nobody understands the way I feel. My partner doesn’t, neither do my friends and family.

It’s me alone.

In this bubble, people laughing and joking around me, getting on with life.
Me, I’m just here. Over-thinking. Screaming at the top of my lungs and nobody seems to hear me.

A cry for help.

Alcohol doesn’t help. It just numbs the feeling of hopelessness and makes me forget.

And so I drink.

Family around telling me I’m not myself. But what do they know. What will they ever know.
They never took time to understand me. Everyone has a close relative, they all have some kind of click or bestie.

Me? I stand alone.

Trapped in this bubble of swirling thoughts and problems.
Not knowing when it’s going to end or how it will end.

Sadness.

I want to cry. All I have left is my education and even then that got screwed over time and time again.
So many thoughts, feelings and fantasies. So many dreams. Some shattered, some remain.

I have no idea how much longer I can stay feeling trapped like this. Feeling trapped in a bubble.

So much stress.

So much stress that I can’t palm off on someone else. So much I have to deal with. Struggling so much to stay sane that I’m almost insane. Not knowing what to do.

Thinking of solutions.

Run away. Cut off everyone. Start again. But it’s not that simple.
Too much has gone on. I need to stay motivated, upbeat and happy.
Being happy is so much harder now.

All I have is myself. Just me. And now I see. I should be my top priority. I should put myself and my life first.

A smile in the mirror. A stressed, uncomfortable sad smile. But it’s something.

That smile is like a light bulb flashing over my head. I’m smiling. I’m worth it.

Somewhere along the line, I realised I’m strong enough to get through these troubled times.

Somehow, without me realising it, the bubble burst.

Makala VP Thomas.