ABC

Absolutely happy after being melancholy for a long time.
Beginning to see things really do get better.
Can’t stand some members of my family.
Doing really well for myself and my daughter.
Easily motivated because my work is also my hobby.
Feeling like nothing can hurt me although I know it can.
Going places.
Humble at all times.
I wish every day was a good one.
Just want to wish everyone a great day.
Knowledge is power.
Love is magical and I always have some to give.
Music gets me through the dark days.
Nevaeh is the name of my little girl.
Optimism has always been a trait of mine.
People come and go like seasons.
Queening is a term I find silly.
Really wish I could laze in bed every weekend.
Sometimes I smile in company and act happy when I just want to curl up and cry.
Twitter isn’t something I’m on all day.
Underneath my tough exterior is a really nice friendly person.
Very into fantasy shows and movies but I was never into Twilight!
Winter is my favourite season.
Xi is a word I never knew until I played Scrabble.
Yesterday is the past but the memories are still fresh.
Zombies are cool in movies but I believe there will never be a zombie apocalypse.

 

Makala Thomas 🙂

 

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(In order, I wrote sentences starting with each letter from the alphabet, mainly thoughts and feelings. Give it a try!)

abc-letters

 

 

GOOD GIRLS

She had a brain.

Always stuck to what she believed in.
She dreamt of true love, a home, a husband and children, of living happily ever after.

She was a good girl.

She met someone who made her feel things she had never felt with any other she’d been with.

He was smart, funny, there for her. He made her life brighter. They spoke almost every day and he always checked up on her.

He was a good guy.

She loved him.

He loved her.

They were good together.

Things were going great for a long time. Then it all changed.

He became distant. Contact was less frequent. Phone calls became brief before turning into texts.

She wasn’t sure what was going on. She asked and he said things were fine. So she made do with the short visits and even shorter contacts.

She knew something was wrong but her love for him was so strong she never suspected he had another.

The contact from that other came one day. They’d been seeing each other for a while.

And just like that, a good girl’s heart shattered into a thousand pieces. Tears fell and never stopped falling for weeks.

It hurt so much.

Everything was over.

The pain didn’t go away for months even when things seemed to get better.

He wanted a girl who wore sexy clothes and always looked good at his side, partied, never caring for the good girl who was loyal and waited on him at home, who did good girl things and remained loyal.

It hurt so much.

Her heart wanted her with him but she knew that wasn’t a great choice. She was a good girl, not a stupid one.

They still conversed but it was over.

Eventually, she cut him off.

She met someone else a while later, but that heartbreak had damaged her.

She concluded she might not have a husband, a home or children, or live happily ever after, but she tried to stay positive.

But she realised that a lot of good girls got their hearts broken.

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Makala Thomas

Thunder Was Booming

Thunder was booming.

Rain was pouring.

I had no coat.

I was soaked.

But I knew where I was going.

I was going to the home of the one

Who had my heart.

They had moved on months ago,

And I was stuck in a mental cage

Surrounded by memories

Missing the happiness I felt

While with them.

Thunder was booming.

Rain was pouring.

I walked and walked

Not wanting to get the bus

My determination

Gave me strength to walk

For over an hour

In this horrible weather

All I could think was

“I’m going to get you back,

No matter what it takes.

It was me that messed up,

And I’m paying for it.

But I will get you back.”

Thunder was booming.

Rain was pouring.

Your house is finally in sight.

I run and ring the doorbell

Over five times.

I see the lights are on so I know

You are in.

You open the door and stare at me.

Water is running down my face,

But I don’t care.

The first thing I managed was

“I was an idiot. I don’t want everything

We built to crumble because of me.

I just-”

You pull me into the house

Before I could finish saying

What I had to say.

“You really are an idiot. You’re going

To get the flu or something worse!”

I hang my head, then you smile.

“You’re my idiot. I’m sorry too.

I was going to call you today,

I wanted to call every day

Since we split.

I just decided to give you space.”

Thunder was booming.

Rain was pouring.

I was warm in a woolly tracksuit

I left here months ago.

We were snuggled on your couch

With hot chocolate,

Our free hands in each others.

I smiled, so glad I made the decision

To get you back.

You will always be my everything.

And even though I was afraid

Of being rejected,

I was determined to try anyway.

Love always finds a way.

Makala Thomas.

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Wishful Thinking (Domestic Violence) 👎

Wishful Thinking.

I warned you about the risks you were taking from being with him.

When he first hit you, the anger I felt was immense. I told you to get away, leave him, go back to your mother’s or even come to mine.

You refused.

As I stare at the priest talking, I go back to brooding on the church bench.

You told me after that first time that it was your fault, you went out to see your sister when you should have made dinner for him. That you could see why he hit you.

I couldn’t make you see sense. I told you again to leave. You refused, saying the love is there, he just doesn’t know how to express it.

And then he hit you again a week later. You tried to deny it, but the bruised eye, the swollen lip, the limping was enough evidence.

You told me again he didn’t mean it. I told you again to leave.

You couldn’t, because you found out you were expecting a baby. That was your excuse for not leaving him and that was his excuse for hitting you. You said it was shock, that’s why he lashed out. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

A month later you ended up unconscious in hospital, and that is when I reported everything to the police and your family.

But you denied everything. Your family knew you were lying. The police knew. Everyone but you could see this would only get worse.

You held your tongue after that and suffered in silence. You stopped answering my calls and texts. It was frustrating but I gave you your space.

Everyone in the church is standing while I sit thinking of you. I quickly open the hymn book and stand too.

I should have done more. I should have forced you to talk to the police. You were expecting a baby.

I can’t stop the tears as I gaze at the coffin which holds your body.

When I got the call that you were found unconscious, I knew it was him. I told the police again and they seized him.

Now he’s doing time for manslaughter. But it’s not enough. No amount of years will bring you back.

Your coffin is carried out of the church, everyone following solemnly.

I can hardly stand as you are lowered into the ground, gone.

Gone because you were in denial.

Gone because you believed he loved you.

Gone because you believed he would change.

Gone because of your wishful thinking.

Domestic Violence is a serious thing and shouldn’t be ignored. If you or someone you know are suffering at the abuse of another, do not hesitate to get help. I know it is easier said than done, but think of yourself or that person and what you or they are going through.

Nobody should have to suffer.

Makala Thomas. 🙌

Thinking On The Night Of A Full Moon

Laid in bed with you on my mind.
Just thinking.
I wonder if me and you will be this strong this time next year.
Will we still be together?
I hope we will.
You are a blessing.
I am blessed to have you in my life.
I know you believe it’s vice versa.
But it really isn’t.
I stare up into pitch blackness…
Just brooding.
Every moment with you, I just…
I love it.
But I’m so afraid of being hurt.
Like I have been before.
I’m not asking you to promise anything.
I’m not begging you to stay.
The door will always be open for you to exit my life.
But never to enter again.
I hope you never do that baby.
Because what I feel for you is so strong.
So profound.
I want you.
I don’t know if I need or love you.
Not yet.
But I have a feeling me and you are good to go.
I hope you feel the same.

Miss Kelz (Makala Thomas).

💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖

That Time Again <3 (The War Between Heart And Mind)

That Time Again ❤ (The War Between Heart And Mind)

So it's springtime.

The time of love. The time of people to get hitched or find new love.

Which is great.

My heart is into those kind of things.

My mind is more practical.

While my heart says "Send him a text"

My mind says "Don't do it! He's probably not thinking of you the way you're thinking of him."

"It's SPRINGTIME!!" my heart all but bellows, and my mind shoots back "I couldn't give a-"

"Language," my mouth mumbles, and it's silent again.

So I put my phone down. My mind wins. But my heart has me gazing at his picture. He doesn't have to know that I am thinking of him.

Nobody has to know.

*Sigh*.

So here I am, munching chocolate. No ice cream. I'm not depressed.

Half an hour later my heart overrules my mind and I'm snatching up my phone again.

"Send a text, send a text," my heart whispers.

"Don't do it," my mind says curtly, but for once I choose my heart over my mind and begin texting.

"Hi. What you up to?"

No, that's just for idle conversation. But I cant just send "I really want us to be together". What to do. What to freaking do.

So I put the phone down again and pick up my chocolates.

Almost in tears two hours later. It's like my mind knows what's best for me but my heart knows what's good for me. I'll send the damn text.

"And if you get rejected? What then?" my mind demands. "You'll be depressed! Sad everyday, I wont have it! Stay in the friend zone."

Before my heart could counter this my phone goes off and I snatch it up.

It's HIM!!!

"Hey. This is going to sound so random. You're a close friend and it's great, but I was wondering if you'd like to go to the movies sometime this week?"

"HA!!" I shout, and my heart beats triumphantly. I wait for a few minutes before replying, not wanting to seem eager. Then I text back.

"Sure, sounds like a plan."

Sounds like a plan?! Why not "I'd love to or something??"

"Don't act eager!" my mind snaps, and I roll my eyes as my phone goes off, another text.

"Great! I cant wait to see you."

I stare at the screen. Then I laugh. And keep laughing. And laugh so more. This is crazy I cant believe it!

Throwing caution and mind to the winds, I reply.

"Cant wait to see you either. In fact I was going to text you if you didn't text me. xXx."

He replies with five kisses.

"xXxXx."

So! Hehe. It's springtime.

The time of love. The time of people to get hitched or find new love.

WHICH IS GREAT!!!! 😀

Makala Thomas 🙂

 Love Hearts Wallpapers 1

A Love From The Past…

A Love From The Past…

The first time I’ve seen you in six years…
At my friend’s cousin’s Ball.

I’m grown up now, older and more mature than I was when we loved each other…
Young and wild in our teens.
People tried back then to control our feelings for one another, just each other…

I think all these wonderful things
While I stare at you amazedly…
Someone whispers in your ear
And you turn and look at me.
My heart races as we lock eyes,
Emotions pouring from us both,
So many words in just a gaze
Before you put your glass down
And start to walk to me
The same time
That I start to walk to you.

Men shoot you angry looks
As you smile and I return it,
Men who were rejected moments
Before you saw me.
Instead of ignoring you return the look, pleasing me…

Though time has passed, you still seem to feel that magnetic pull I have on you, like you have on me.
We cant get the words out.
There’s so much to say, so little time.

The Ball ends in less than an hour.
Before I can ask how you are the music changes to something beautiful, slow…
Amazing like the expression on your face.
Without words you take my hand,
And walk me to the dance floor.

The dancers back away to give us room, as if this were our wedding day.
My friends have heard about the love of my life before fate separated us,
Before destiny brought us back together.

Your steady breathing soothes me,
Like it did so long ago…
Your fingers weaving through my hair.
We may as well not have seen each other in a week instead of six years,
For our feelings haven’t changed.

It feels like there are no eyes upon us as we slow dance, our own silent reunion.

The song ends.

The applause sounds faded as we gaze at each other, your face intent…

Before my arm is grabbed and my best friend shouts I was brilliant,
Whisking me into the crowd to get a drink and gossip.
But now that I’ve seen you, I don’t want to be with her when I can be with you.

I pull away, looking around…
Just in time to see you exit the hall.
Moments later your car pulls off…
You’re gone again.

Suddenly I feel need that drink.
I feel like I’m going to faint.
How long until I see you again?
Another six years? Never?
Were you even here to begin with?
Was I merely dancing with a stranger,
Suffering a moonlight mirage?

I don’t want to know.

I don’t need to know.

I just want to go home.

I bid everyone goodbye and hurry out, into my car.
I’m not far from home.
I’m too dazed to glance around before I park.
I grab my handbag, get out the car, slam the door and storm towards my house-
Before I shriek out loud.

Because I see you waiting for me,
Leaning against your car with a smirk.
You tell me I haven’t changed, that you knew if you left, I would have also.
I tell you you’re still smug when it comes to me and you, but you wave that off.
Whatever you’re about say
Doesn’t leave your mouth,
Because mine is on yours.
A five star kiss back then, it’s a
Twelve star six years later.

That hazy feeling has come over me, like before, but unlike and like before, you’re here to steady me.
You take my keys and slide one in the lock- the right key the first try.

I can feel my heart racing.
As we step indoors I realise
We couldn’t catch up during
Our limited time at the Ball-
Which is the reason why you left.

We couldn’t choose what to do
Surrounded by people,
But now, in my house,
We’re alone…

Completely alone.

Makala VP Thomas

The Cold…

The Cold…

I can see my breath when I’m outside. I can feel the cold tugging at my body, the air ruthless as it swirls around me.

Cars and buses go by and I am walking. People zip their coats and rub their hands, adjust their hats and scarves, walking past me, in a hurry to reach their destination.

I need to get home. It’s so cold. I can’t think straight it’s so cold. If my complexion was lighter I would probably be blue.

Home.

I can’t help but smile as I think of home. First things first, I will have a hot cup of tea. Or chocolate. Or coffee? No. I hate coffee. Anything hot. Soup?

YES.

Soup is the answer. With buttered toast. Mmm. That should rid my body of the bitter cold. This cold I can’t handle.

I’m finally home. I fumble with stiff fingers and open the door. The scent of cooked food hits me, the blast of warmth embraces me like an old friend.

I know it wasn’t me who cooked or put on the heating. It must be…

My heart races as I close the door and run upstairs to him, in the kitchen. He opens his arms and I fall into them, whispering how much I missed him.

He replies in a soft murmur that the food isn’t ready yet. I smile and reply we need to kill our time.

His dark eyes sparkle like black ice cubes as he lowers his mouth to mine in a soft kiss, and I lead him out of the kitchen, up more stairs… Into the bedroom.

I wonder why I was so worried about the cold. Right now? Now?

It’s THE HEAT that’s going to kill me.

Makala Thomas (MV, Miss Kelz)

Twitter @MissKelz90

The Bubble

I feel like I’m trapped in a bubble. Time is meaningless.
Nobody understands the way I feel. My partner doesn’t, neither do my friends and family.

It’s me alone.

In this bubble, people laughing and joking around me, getting on with life.
Me, I’m just here. Over-thinking. Screaming at the top of my lungs and nobody seems to hear me.

A cry for help.

Alcohol doesn’t help. It just numbs the feeling of hopelessness and makes me forget.

And so I drink.

Family around telling me I’m not myself. But what do they know. What will they ever know.
They never took time to understand me. Everyone has a close relative, they all have some kind of click or bestie.

Me? I stand alone.

Trapped in this bubble of swirling thoughts and problems.
Not knowing when it’s going to end or how it will end.

Sadness.

I want to cry. All I have left is my education and even then that got screwed over time and time again.
So many thoughts, feelings and fantasies. So many dreams. Some shattered, some remain.

I have no idea how much longer I can stay feeling trapped like this. Feeling trapped in a bubble.

So much stress.

So much stress that I can’t palm off on someone else. So much I have to deal with. Struggling so much to stay sane that I’m almost insane. Not knowing what to do.

Thinking of solutions.

Run away. Cut off everyone. Start again. But it’s not that simple.
Too much has gone on. I need to stay motivated, upbeat and happy.
Being happy is so much harder now.

All I have is myself. Just me. And now I see. I should be my top priority. I should put myself and my life first.

A smile in the mirror. A stressed, uncomfortable sad smile. But it’s something.

That smile is like a light bulb flashing over my head. I’m smiling. I’m worth it.

Somewhere along the line, I realised I’m strong enough to get through these troubled times.

Somehow, without me realising it, the bubble burst.

Makala VP Thomas.

Don’t Hide.

Don’t Hide.

When your world comes crashing down, all you want to do is hide. Sometimes hiding is a better option.

But it’s not the only option.

Tears and comfort food won’t solve your problems. You need to get out there, be strong. Make something of yourself. Do the unexpected.

Because everyone will expect you to hide while they offer words of sympathy.

They don’t understand.

They won’t understand.

You don’t have to make them.

Just keep strong. Have faith and believe life will get better. There are people in this world who are much worse off than you.

And remember.

Hiding may seem like the better option, but it’s not the only option.

So don’t hide.

Believe in yourself.

It will get better.

Makala Thomas.