That Time Again <3 (The War Between Heart And Mind)

That Time Again ❤ (The War Between Heart And Mind)

So it's springtime.

The time of love. The time of people to get hitched or find new love.

Which is great.

My heart is into those kind of things.

My mind is more practical.

While my heart says "Send him a text"

My mind says "Don't do it! He's probably not thinking of you the way you're thinking of him."

"It's SPRINGTIME!!" my heart all but bellows, and my mind shoots back "I couldn't give a-"

"Language," my mouth mumbles, and it's silent again.

So I put my phone down. My mind wins. But my heart has me gazing at his picture. He doesn't have to know that I am thinking of him.

Nobody has to know.

*Sigh*.

So here I am, munching chocolate. No ice cream. I'm not depressed.

Half an hour later my heart overrules my mind and I'm snatching up my phone again.

"Send a text, send a text," my heart whispers.

"Don't do it," my mind says curtly, but for once I choose my heart over my mind and begin texting.

"Hi. What you up to?"

No, that's just for idle conversation. But I cant just send "I really want us to be together". What to do. What to freaking do.

So I put the phone down again and pick up my chocolates.

Almost in tears two hours later. It's like my mind knows what's best for me but my heart knows what's good for me. I'll send the damn text.

"And if you get rejected? What then?" my mind demands. "You'll be depressed! Sad everyday, I wont have it! Stay in the friend zone."

Before my heart could counter this my phone goes off and I snatch it up.

It's HIM!!!

"Hey. This is going to sound so random. You're a close friend and it's great, but I was wondering if you'd like to go to the movies sometime this week?"

"HA!!" I shout, and my heart beats triumphantly. I wait for a few minutes before replying, not wanting to seem eager. Then I text back.

"Sure, sounds like a plan."

Sounds like a plan?! Why not "I'd love to or something??"

"Don't act eager!" my mind snaps, and I roll my eyes as my phone goes off, another text.

"Great! I cant wait to see you."

I stare at the screen. Then I laugh. And keep laughing. And laugh so more. This is crazy I cant believe it!

Throwing caution and mind to the winds, I reply.

"Cant wait to see you either. In fact I was going to text you if you didn't text me. xXx."

He replies with five kisses.

"xXxXx."

So! Hehe. It's springtime.

The time of love. The time of people to get hitched or find new love.

WHICH IS GREAT!!!! 😀

Makala Thomas 🙂

 

A Love From The Past…

A Love From The Past…

The first time I’ve seen you in six years…
At my friend’s cousin’s Ball.

I’m grown up now, older and more mature than I was when we loved each other…
Young and wild in our teens.
People tried back then to control our feelings for one another, just each other…

I think all these wonderful things
While I stare at you amazedly…
Someone whispers in your ear
And you turn and look at me.
My heart races as we lock eyes,
Emotions pouring from us both,
So many words in just a gaze
Before you put your glass down
And start to walk to me
The same time
That I start to walk to you.

Men shoot you angry looks
As you smile and I return it,
Men who were rejected moments
Before you saw me.
Instead of ignoring you return the look, pleasing me…

Though time has passed, you still seem to feel that magnetic pull I have on you, like you have on me.
We cant get the words out.
There’s so much to say, so little time.

The Ball ends in less than an hour.
Before I can ask how you are the music changes to something beautiful, slow…
Amazing like the expression on your face.
Without words you take my hand,
And walk me to the dance floor.

The dancers back away to give us room, as if this were our wedding day.
My friends have heard about the love of my life before fate separated us,
Before destiny brought us back together.

Your steady breathing soothes me,
Like it did so long ago…
Your fingers weaving through my hair.
We may as well not have seen each other in a week instead of six years,
For our feelings haven’t changed.

It feels like there are no eyes upon us as we slow dance, our own silent reunion.

The song ends.

The applause sounds faded as we gaze at each other, your face intent…

Before my arm is grabbed and my best friend shouts I was brilliant,
Whisking me into the crowd to get a drink and gossip.
But now that I’ve seen you, I don’t want to be with her when I can be with you.

I pull away, looking around…
Just in time to see you exit the hall.
Moments later your car pulls off…
You’re gone again.

Suddenly I feel need that drink.
I feel like I’m going to faint.
How long until I see you again?
Another six years? Never?
Were you even here to begin with?
Was I merely dancing with a stranger,
Suffering a moonlight mirage?

I don’t want to know.

I don’t need to know.

I just want to go home.

I bid everyone goodbye and hurry out, into my car.
I’m not far from home.
I’m too dazed to glance around before I park.
I grab my handbag, get out the car, slam the door and storm towards my house-
Before I shriek out loud.

Because I see you waiting for me,
Leaning against your car with a smirk.
You tell me I haven’t changed, that you knew if you left, I would have also.
I tell you you’re still smug when it comes to me and you, but you wave that off.
Whatever you’re about say
Doesn’t leave your mouth,
Because mine is on yours.
A five star kiss back then, it’s a
Twelve star six years later.

That hazy feeling has come over me, like before, but unlike and like before, you’re here to steady me.
You take my keys and slide one in the lock- the right key the first try.

I can feel my heart racing.
As we step indoors I realise
We couldn’t catch up during
Our limited time at the Ball-
Which is the reason why you left.

We couldn’t choose what to do
Surrounded by people,
But now, in my house,
We’re alone…

Completely alone.

Makala VP Thomas

The Cold…

The Cold…

I can see my breath when I’m outside. I can feel the cold tugging at my body, the air ruthless as it swirls around me.

Cars and buses go by and I am walking. People zip their coats and rub their hands, adjust their hats and scarves, walking past me, in a hurry to reach their destination.

I need to get home. It’s so cold. I can’t think straight it’s so cold. If my complexion was lighter I would probably be blue.

Home.

I can’t help but smile as I think of home. First things first, I will have a hot cup of tea. Or chocolate. Or coffee? No. I hate coffee. Anything hot. Soup?

YES.

Soup is the answer. With buttered toast. Mmm. That should rid my body of the bitter cold. This cold I can’t handle.

I’m finally home. I fumble with stiff fingers and open the door. The scent of cooked food hits me, the blast of warmth embraces me like an old friend.

I know it wasn’t me who cooked or put on the heating. It must be…

My heart races as I close the door and run upstairs to him, in the kitchen. He opens his arms and I fall into them, whispering how much I missed him.

He replies in a soft murmur that the food isn’t ready yet. I smile and reply we need to kill our time.

His dark eyes sparkle like black ice cubes as he lowers his mouth to mine in a soft kiss, and I lead him out of the kitchen, up more stairs… Into the bedroom.

I wonder why I was so worried about the cold. Right now? Now?

It’s THE HEAT that’s going to kill me.

Makala Thomas (MV, Miss Kelz)

Twitter @MissKelz90

The Bubble

I feel like I’m trapped in a bubble. Time is meaningless.
Nobody understands the way I feel. My partner doesn’t, neither do my friends and family.

It’s me alone.

In this bubble, people laughing and joking around me, getting on with life.
Me, I’m just here. Over-thinking. Screaming at the top of my lungs and nobody seems to hear me.

A cry for help.

Alcohol doesn’t help. It just numbs the feeling of hopelessness and makes me forget.

And so I drink.

Family around telling me I’m not myself. But what do they know. What will they ever know.
They never took time to understand me. Everyone has a close relative, they all have some kind of click or bestie.

Me? I stand alone.

Trapped in this bubble of swirling thoughts and problems.
Not knowing when it’s going to end or how it will end.

Sadness.

I want to cry. All I have left is my education and even then that got screwed over time and time again.
So many thoughts, feelings and fantasies. So many dreams. Some shattered, some remain.

I have no idea how much longer I can stay feeling trapped like this. Feeling trapped in a bubble.

So much stress.

So much stress that I can’t palm off on someone else. So much I have to deal with. Struggling so much to stay sane that I’m almost insane. Not knowing what to do.

Thinking of solutions.

Run away. Cut off everyone. Start again. But it’s not that simple.
Too much has gone on. I need to stay motivated, upbeat and happy.
Being happy is so much harder now.

All I have is myself. Just me. And now I see. I should be my top priority. I should put myself and my life first.

A smile in the mirror. A stressed, uncomfortable sad smile. But it’s something.

That smile is like a light bulb flashing over my head. I’m smiling. I’m worth it.

Somewhere along the line, I realised I’m strong enough to get through these troubled times.

Somehow, without me realising it, the bubble burst.

Makala VP Thomas.

Don’t Hide.

Don’t Hide.

When your world comes crashing down, all you want to do is hide. Sometimes hiding is a better option.

But it’s not the only option.

Tears and comfort food won’t solve your problems. You need to get out there, be strong. Make something of yourself. Do the unexpected.

Because everyone will expect you to hide while they offer words of sympathy.

They don’t understand.

They won’t understand.

You don’t have to make them.

Just keep strong. Have faith and believe life will get better. There are people in this world who are much worse off than you.

And remember.

Hiding may seem like the better option, but it’s not the only option.

So don’t hide.

Believe in yourself.

It will get better.

Makala Thomas.

The Red Room

The Red Room

You fall asleep in your bedroom,
When you wake up, it is red.
Red bed, red wall, red accessories;
You wonder if you’re dead.
You call for help but no one answers:
That means you’re alone.
You know you’ve sinned, but you’re confused:
Hell shouldn’t look like home.

You look around your Red Room,
And you wonder what to do.
You wonder if this bedroom
Had turned red because of you.
You cant help thinking, as you’re relaxed,
Your Red Room should be blue.

You call my phone and tell me all,
Asking me to pray.
You dont get why your room is red;
It wasn’t yesterday.
I laugh and say “I’ll come today,
Before you start to panic.
You might decide to lose the plot,
And I dont want you manic.

There’s no point your room being blue:
It’s ease and serenity-
Beautiful, amazing,
Like the peace you found in me.
You’re room’s not red because you’re dead-
It’s just my work of art.
It’s red because I love you,
And you’re always in my heart.

Makala-Veronica Thomas

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Sometimes I Wonder…

Sometimes I Wonder

I sit and think to myself, in a very calm mood, and reflect on my life and everything that has happened.

Sometimes I wonder.

Where would I be without the love of my godmother, who raised me and kept me in her home for almost seventeen years?
Without the discipline, the rules, being grounded?
The arguments, the being sent to my room, the curfew?

I have to shake my head and think. As a teenager, I hated it. But now, as an adult, I understand. It wasn’t because she was trying to control me. It was because she cared deeply.
I didn’t get it at the time. I do now.
I should visit sometime.

Sometimes I wonder.

If heart hadn’t been broken, my mind shattered, my life in a thousand pieces, would I be the strong woman I am today?
They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I had NO IDEA what that meant, but I know now. The stress, the pain, the heartache and nostalgia.
A weak person wouldn’t cope and would either have a breakdown or take their life.
A strong person gets through it day by day.

Me. I got through it. I’m stronger now. And if I could go back in time I wouldn’t take that pain away. It made me who I am.

Sometimes I REALLY wonder.

What would my life be like without all the obstacles? The lessons? If I was upper class?
I’d be a spoilt brat most likely. Not the tough woman I am whose toughness came from all those obstacles I had to deal with throughout life, even as a child.

I’m almost twenty three. Some would say that’s still young, that I have a whole life ahead of me.
True. I do.

And I wonder.

Am I ready for more obstacles and hardship? The good, the bad, and the ugly?

I can’t help but smile as I think and write this. Because I know I sure am ready.

Bring it on.

Makala Thomas.